One simple distinction made all the difference.

Does the month of December send a chill down your spine, and not from the winter cold alone? Let's talk about the dissonance of December. Do you remember the good old days, when December felt more like a dream and less like a deadline? 

As a child, December is magical. There's winter break. There's sledding and skating. There are gifts and gatherings. No pressure. All fun.

But, as the calendar flips and adulting becomes a reality, December morphs into something a little less enchanting. 

• Year-end goals to meet.

• Gifts to buy (Oh the budgeting!)

• Gatherings with people you don't really like (Et tu, office parties?).

• And the biggest of them all - reflecting back on the so-called 'failures' of the past year.

Before you reach for that stress ball, remember, it doesn't have to be this way. By the end of this blogpost, you will know how to break through the chaos and reclaim the joy of December. Let's start this journey together, shall we? 

Great news! Thanksgiving week is finally here! A time to relax, spend quality time with loved ones, and enjoy some fun activities. I sincerely hope that this day brings you a sense of rejuvenation and renewal.

However, as we embrace Thanksgiving week, here is some less-than-great news. Our brains are wired to focus more on negativity. It may sound surprising, but scientists believe it's an adaptive trait from our days as prey in the wild. Those who paid attention to potential dangers (the negative) were more likely to survive. One researcher described it as our brains being "Velcro for negativity and Teflon for positivity."

We've all experienced this firsthand. Remember that time you received a performance review highlighting 99 things you excel at, but one area for improvement? What occupied your thoughts that night? Exactly.

But here's a reason for hope: neuroscience tells us that our brains are highly adaptable. It's called neuroplasticity. We have the power to rewire our brains. By regularly practicing gratitude, we can create new neural pathways that shape our perception of daily life for the better. And the benefits are truly remarkable.

Steven has been spearheading a critical project that has faced unforeseen challenges, resulting in delays and setbacks. The team is feeling the pressure, and there's a palpable sense of frustration among team members. The CEO calls a meeting of the team and asks for a status report, directing the question to Steven. Steven now stands at a familiar crossroads. He can maintain a stoic front, downplaying the challenges. Or, he can openly acknowledge the setbacks, taking responsibility for any mistakes made, and expressing a genuine commitment to finding solutions collaboratively.

Which would you choose?

Do you ever find yourself in this situation? Your friend or spouse suggests going out to eat, and you agree. But when they ask where you want to go, you draw a blank. You know you're hungry, but deciding what you actually want to eat feels frustratingly difficult.

Why is that? It's strange how we often know what we need - like money to pay the rent or air to breathe - but struggle to pinpoint what we want. This dilemma is something I've noticed not only in my own life, but also in my work as a coach. Many of my clients have a deep desire for something, yet they struggle to identify exactly what it is. They may want a new job, for example, but are unsure of the specifics, or they may be unhappy without knowing what would truly make them happy.

So why is it so challenging to know what we want?

I wish I could tell you that love has been the primary emotion coursing through my veins and motivating me throughout life. But that would be a lie. The truth is that fear has been the dominant emotion driving me, haunting my days and diminishing my life. And saying that leaves me feeling both ashamed and vulnerable.

I'm not talking about the kind of fear one feels when faced with a spider (though I confess I've got a bad case of arachnophobia!) I'm talking about something more insidious. The fear of rejection. The fear of not being good enough. The fear of failure. These fears have been, at times, so overpowering that they've stifled my creativity, hindered my ambitions, and made me too cautious to take risks.

But I've learned over time that these fears don't make me weak. They make me human. While your fears may be different than mine, I'd be willing to bet that fear sometimes haunts you, hinders you from risking more and being more.

While fear is often seen as a negative emotion to avoid, the truth is that by embracing and understanding it, we can unlock a whole new level of resilience and confidence. Fear doesn't have to be a foe to be conquered - it can be a friend to be embraced. By befriending fear, we can learn to see it as a valuable guide that can lead us to greater growth and fulfillment.

So, how might we do that? How can we change our perspective and see fear not as an enemy, but as a friend? The idea may seem far-fetched at first, but allow me to guide you through this transformation.

While serving as a Lutheran pastor for 36 years I learned two things about forgiveness.

1. Almost everyone has someone that they struggle to forgive.

2. Almost everyone carries misconceptions about forgiveness, and those misconceptions are often the reason that people struggle to forgive.

Here's what I believe to be true about forgiveness:

Discover the two keys to unlocking your inner confidence.

Meet Sarah…

…a skilled and determined manager at a successful tech company. Known for her exceptional project management abilities, she now faces a dilemma that has left her uneasy. Sarah paces nervously in her office, dreading an important conversation with her team member, Alex.

Alex, a talented and creative individual, has been missing deadlines and showing signs of disengagement lately. Sarah knows she can't avoid addressing the issue any longer, but thethought of the conversation fills her with anxiety. She worries it may turn into a confrontation, with emotions running high and her authority being challenged.

The Challenge of Difficult Conversations

We've all experienced the challenge of handling difficult conversations at work, just like Sarah. These conversations often involve addressing performance issues, providing constructive feedback, or discussing uncomfortable topics such as personal boundaries or conflicts within the team.

The fear and anxiety we feel before these discussions can be overwhelming. We tend to create scenarios in our minds, predicting defensiveness, anger, or tears. These stories we tell ourselves only deepen our anxiety and uncertainty.

But here's the good news - there are steps we can take to navigate difficult conversations effectively, achieving positive outcomes and strengthening relationships.

The movie The Matrix begins with the main character, Neo, wrestling with a sense of discontent. He intuits that there's more than he's experiencing and longs to experience it. Sound familiar?

Most of us experience seasons of discontent, times when we long for more than what we're currently experiencing, discontent with "what is". Unfortunately, our culture doesn't value discontent. Instead we're encouraged to distract ourselves. We…

Shop
Drink
Self-medicate
Binge on Netflix… or cheesecake

Or we tell ourselves to "get a grip and be grateful for what we have".

But what if discontent isn't a curse? What if it's not something to be avoided or ignored? What if it's a gift, a gift worth unwrapping, savoring and attending to?

Discovering your purpose at any stage in life can be a challenge. This simple process can help.

Learning the skill of emotional self-regulation is critical to leadership success.

Retiring well is about so much more than financial security.